When I found out I was pregnant with Finn, I went in for my
first appointment and my initial bloodwork came back showing that I had two
rare antibodies in my blood. Our doctor’s best guess is that I came into
contact with them during Thomas’s delivery, which is why we never experienced
it with my two previous pregnancies. We were told that these antibodies had the
potential to attack all of Finn’s red blood cells while he was in utero which could
lead to many scary things (the smallest being mild anemia and the greatest
being miscarriage/still-birth)
We were very nervous (and confused as neither Josh nor I
have much medical knowledge). We were labeled “high risk” and told to come back
every few weeks for blood draws to check on the antibody levels in my blood (If
they raised it would be a sign that they were reacting to Finn’s presence).
Throughout our time in Kentucky my antibody count remained low.
When we moved
to Vermont, we were able to find a good high risk doctor that we really liked.
Upon our arrival, they immediately checked my blood and found that my counts had
risen slightly, needing closer (bi-weekly) monitoring.
It was just a few weeks later (when I was around 28 weeks)
that I got a call to tell me that the antibody count had spiked greatly. At
this point my doctors decided that I would need weekly monitoring via
ultrasound so they could measure the blood flow to Finns heart and brain.
It is difficult for me to describe all of my emotions and
feelings during this time. Many nights I laid awake, begging God to spare our
son and keep him healthy. The helplessness at being able to do absolutely
nothing but wait. It’s difficult to
describe the weight in my stomach each week as I drove to the hospital to be
monitored, wondering was everything okay? Would they tell me I had to deliver
him today? And most difficult of all is how to describe how I felt each week
after a “good” ultrasound: great relief, but still heavy knowing that we’d have
to see what the next week held.
But all of this hardship served to drive me closer to my
Lord. Through these weeks, I clung to the hope that no matter what God is good.
God was good on the days I received the bad news and he was good on the days I
received the good news. God did not change when my circumstances did. Our God
is steadfast and faithful.
"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; for his steadfast love endures forever." Psalm 118:1
And in the midst of this trial, God showed us his
graciousness and faithfulness through those around us. Our family and our Kentucky
friends who were there for us to lean on, cry to, and pray with when we were
first given this trial. And our dear friends in Vermont who did not know us
when we got there but jumped right into our messy walk to care for us through
prayer, meals, and watching our big(ger) boys
during doctor appointments.
God’s people love and care for one another because our
Father loved and cared for us enough to send His only Son to make atonement for
our sins.
“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
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